Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
