in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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