theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
