take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
