Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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