I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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