remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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