haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
