She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
