I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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