I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
