if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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