While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
