dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
