I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
