do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
