I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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