Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
