Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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