I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
