My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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