4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
