I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
