It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Pooping to opera.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
