We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
