Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
