well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
