i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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