Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did you get engaged???
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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