what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
