Need sex. Gaining weight.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
only if we run a train.
done.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
