Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
