dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
