what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
