did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she peed on how many people?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
