Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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