So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
