So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
