Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize