At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
