She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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