We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
