youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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