R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize