this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
