I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
