are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
