How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
PANTIES FOUND
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