All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
