I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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