I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
