i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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