hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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