my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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