I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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