Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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