We won't sleep together?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
