do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
