He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
