Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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