i was born a porn star she said
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
