I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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