she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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