elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
