the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
