please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
