i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
