just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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