I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
