how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
