Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
