Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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