Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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