all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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