This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
