He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
